Of Freaks And Intellectuals
by Stewbacca94
Summary: A chameleon, lacking direction, seeks help from a stowaway and a nerd. Another response to Writing Prompt Wednesday on Reddit.


Barely three weeks had passed since the Haven battle, and Ilia was still in disbelief at the freedom she'd been granted after saving the lives of her countrymen. However, Blake and her friends had started a journey to Atlas, trying to track down the bastards Adam was working for, while Ghira and Kali were going to return to Menagerie once they and the Mistral Council could convince every White Fang member with combat training into supplementing Mistral's Huntsmen population, and every one that lacked that training into their new movement. Pretty soon, Ilia would have no-one to turn to, and she couldn't see where she could make a difference.

Sighing, she continued to walk freely through the markets that ran a ring around Mount Mistral's base, enjoying the smells of cooked fish, stir-fry and fresh vegetables that permeated the air around her. An unusually loud laugh drew her attention to the noodle stand on her left, and she found herself looking at two people she'd only recently met.

"So once we got back on board, I used my Semblance to propel Blake up to the right height to clip the Feilong's wings. She used them alright, but then returned the favour by using _my head_ as a springboard."

"And let me guess; she fell down and _you_ caught her like a bride in return?"

"Yep! I regret nothing!"

Ilia chuckled at the exchange; this alerted the two young men to her presence.

"Lizard girl!", Sun called out.

"Good morning, Ilia," Neptune responded with a slight blush.

"Fancy seeing you two dorks here," Ilia said teasingly as she took a seat.

"Aw _come_ on," Sun playfully complained. "No need for ball-breaking today."

"Quite right," Neptune echoed. "So what brings you here, Ilia? Looking for a suave bluenette to entertain you?"

Sun winced at that; he'd been told about Ilia's orientation already. Instead of flaring up, however, Ilia looked amused.

"Yes, but I've had no luck so far."

Neptune's jaw dropped while Sun cracked up laughing. " _Ooooh_ , she got you there dude! Plus for future notice, she bats for the other side."

Neptune looked pretty ashen-faced in embarrassment. "Noted. I'm ... sorry I said that, Ilia."

Ilia handled the apology graciously. "It's no problem, Neptune. I'm honestly a bit flattered that you found me to your liking."

"You shouldn't be," Sun responded, still in the mood to roast his friend. "He'd happily snog anything that moved."

Neptune got flustered. "That isn't the faintest bit true! Not at all!"

"Oh yeah?", Sun replied with a smirk. "Explain why Yang had to take her bike in for a service after _someone_ drooled onto the motor during the Paladin fight in Vale?"

Ilia started laughing hysterically with Sun as Neptune flushed purple in shame. After she calmed down, Ilia's worries suddenly swum back into her mind; these two clowns were heading to Shade Academy soon enough, after all; surely _she_ couldn't rely on them to get her through this.

"Something troubling you, Ilia?"

Ilia looked rather startled at Sun's question.

"Well, sort of. I'm just ... not sure what I'm doing after you all head off."

Sun and Neptune exchanged confused glances at this, before the latter spoke up. "What do you mean? Aren't you going to do stuff with that new movement that Blake's dad was setting up?"

"I thought I was, at first," Ilia responded. "But that movement is going to be totally pacifistic, so I seriously don't know how I could help to the best of my abilities there."

"What about sticking around to help Mistral's Huntsmen?", Sun asked.

"That has crossed my mind, admittedly, but I don't have the faintest clue about how to take most Grimm down - I've only ever fought Canis and young Beowolves. I haven't even developed my Semblance yet, so I won't have much luck getting into Haven Academy either."

Sun felt sorry for his new friend, but Neptune had an idea.

"Hey Sun, you know that problem with Sage coming with us?"

"Yeah, what about it - _oh_ , that's a _good_ idea!"

Ilia looked perplexed at the sudden shift in mood. "What did you just remember?"

Neptune took the lead. "Well, it's that Sage, one of our teammates, isn't able to come to Shade with us. His father ended up losing a leg when Mistral got attacked after the CCT went down. It wasn't enough to kill him, but it's stopped him from running his cattle farming business. And Sage is his only child, so he's been forced to look after the farm."

"Which means we're looking for a new teammate," Sun completed. "Would you like to join us at Shade?"

Ilia could scarcely believe what she'd just heard. She didn't feel worthy of going to an Academy after everything she'd done in the White Fang; however, she soon realised that Blake did the same herself, and that Vacuo harboured no hatred for Faunus to speak of. After considering it for about fifteen seconds, Ilia responded.

"I will."

* * *

Two weeks later, the newly-formed Team SAND had settled in as second-years at Shade Academy. Much to Sun and Neptune's relief, Scarlet had taken kindly to Ilia's arrival on the team - though they suspected that the very introverted redhead did that chiefly because he was as gay as she was, and therefore had common interest on that front. Their classes were a bit crowded, like they were in the lead-up to the Vytal Festival, but the education they were receiving was top-notch. The team's combat skills were improving as well, and Ilia had adapted her fighting style quite well to the art of slaying Grimm. All in all, Sun was happy that his new team was working well together, and even more so that Ilia had found a purpose. Neptune was happy as well, given that Ilia's zeal for study rivaled his own.

One night after dinner, however, Ilia seemed more quiet than usual. After finishing her history and mathematics assignments for the night, Ilia turned to Sun.

"Can I ask for some advice, Sun?"

Sun smiled easily. "Shoot."

"I've been getting to know one of the girls in third year as a friend and ... I'm finding myself in love with her. How do you think I should ask this girl out?"

Neptune and Scarlet, who were both drinking lemonade, made an unholy mess on each other's shirts in response to that.

"You're asking the same guy _who stalked Blake halfway across the world_ that question?" Neptune said incredulously.

Ilia promptly facepalmed at this, before chuckling at her own mistake. "I can always trust you to have an eidetic memory of Sun's mistakes, Nep."

Sun pouted, before smirking at a memory _he_ harboured well. "This from the guy who turned _Weiss Schnee_ down because he couldn't dance."

Having never heard the story before, Ilia cackled while Neptune had the decency to look sullenly defeated.

"Got me there."

Ilia wasn't quite done with the roasting yet. "So I'm at an impasse; I ask for advice on how to ask girls out, and I've got to choose between a gay man, a stalker, and a clueless geek."

Sun and Scarlet both burst out laughing at that observation , while Neptune took some umbrage at this.

" _Intellectual_ , okay?"

"Anyway," Sun said after he calmed down, "we'd like to help you get lucky with her. Do we know her as well?"

"You might do," Ilia admitted. "She was a second year at Beacon before the fall, and she knew Ruby and her team pretty well."

"There's a few women we know who match that description," Neptune admitted. "Who's the lucky girl?"

Ilia told them.

"NO WAY!", Sun and Neptune responded in chorus.

"Well," Scarlet quipped, "they'll know which pick-up lines _don't_ work on her."

A pair of glares stared him down, before Scarlet looked down in embarrassment as Ilia chuckled heartily at the joke.

"Thought so," Neptune replied.

"Alright," Sun said confidently, "I know exactly what she'd respond well to."

"Are you sure?" Ilia responded.

"Absolutely."

* * *

The next night, Ilia went through with the plan that Sun and Neptune had concocted for her. After said plan passed "the sanity test" - which was Sun's euphemism for "running it past Scarlet without making him tear his hair out" - Ilia began Phase One.

 _Her teammates always do something by themselves on a Wednesday_ , Neptune observed. _Her leader goes shopping, the tall guy goes to boxing club, while the short guy heads to the forges to tinker with his weapons. She'll usually stay in and read on Wednesday nights, so that's the perfect time to come knocking._

She went to the door that had a sticker of a coffee mug printed on it and knocked firmly, readying Phase Two in her hand behind her back.

 _Ruby once told me that daisies are the one type of flower she's doesn't sneeze at_ , Sun promised. _You bringing them as a gift to her would make her think "Wow, she's considerate!"._

The door opened, and Ilia beheld her brown-haired crush.

"H-hey there, Velvet."

Velvet Scarlatina was quite surprised at Ilia's arrival, but smiled pleasantly at the chameleon Faunus.

"Hey Ilia," she responded in her accent, which marked her as a native of the town of Windpath. "What's up?"

"Well," Ilia asked uncertainly, "I was wondering if you were ... doing anything tonight."

It was at this moment that Velvet noticed the smell of daisies behind Ilia's back, and the way her freckles glowed a faint pink.

 _Oh_.

"Well, I'm doing nothing at the moment," she responded with a growing smile. "But I wouldn't mind doing something with you."

That caused Ilia to flush lime-green, as the butterflies in her stomach started a deathmatch.

"Great!", she said with a nervous grin as her hue subsided to normal. "Maybe watching a movie or something?" _Gods, I feel awkward_.

Velvet decided to tease Ilia over her not-so-subtle crush. "A romantic comedy, then?"

The lime-green flashed briefly again. "S-Sure! That's pretty reasonable."

"And quite fitting, given the daisies behind your back."

Ilia _literally_ flushed purple with embarrassment, before it faded to normal again as she held the flowers out.

"Wait ... you don't mind me feeling this way about you?"

Velvet smiled.

"Well, I'm a free-swinging pendulum; how _could_ I take it badly?"

Ilia looked confused for a moment, before realising Velvet's pun-laden euphemism. She duly facepalmed to Velvet's laughter, before the older girl led Ilia inside.

* * *

 **A/N: The idea of Ilia getting dating advice from the dork squad was _too_ good to pass up.**


End file.
